So last night, Christmas Eve, I’m out doing my thing.
Making traffic stops and laughing with people who are either 1) anxious to get home to see family, or 2) already hellaciously ready to get away from family because…you know…holidays.
So I make a stop and, like always, ask where the lady is heading and why’s she driving so fast.
“Going to church.” She pointed. “Right over there.”
“Yes, I’m running late. I need to get there. It’s Christmas Eve. I play the organ.”
She wasn’t quite laughing but close. Her companion was laughing his ass off. I got the impression that she defined the concept of straight arrow and getting stopped was probably in the top five horrific things she could imagine.
“Ah,” I said. “Gotcha. Well, let me ask you: you have any warrants?”
Her companion, I thought, was well about to pee his pants.
“Warrants? For Heaven’s sake no.”
“No murder? Pillaging? Maybe snatching one of the pipes from the church organ.”
Yeah, she actually said it. Made me laugh.
So I do my thing, warn her to be careful, and send her on her way. I probably only had her stopped for four or five minutes so she was going to be fine. They both chuckled as they drove away.
So twenty minutes later, I’m heading back on the same state highway,the other direction, and I stop a biiiiiiig old Cadillac that reminded me of my Mom’s Buick Electra 225 circa mid ’70s.
I walk up to the lady and ask where they’re going, do they know they have a headlight out, etc.
“Going to church.”
“Really?” I mean, I know it’s Christmas Eve, but two in a row?
“Yeah, just right over there.” She pointed to a church.
I stared. “Right there?”
“I mean that one…right there?”
I laughed. “When you get there, tell C**** D*** hello from Sergeant Barker.”
The lady looked confused. I winked at her and said, “Tell her to slow down.”
I laughed, she laughed, her companion laughed, and I sent her on her way.
So later I’m eating dinner and, I swear to whatever you hold holy, I heard a church organ. And it didn’t creep up on me, it exploded! And not just any church music, but this one
So…just keep in mind that if anything happens to me over the next few weeks, somebody go back through my traffic stops and talk to her…’cause I’m just about sure that it’s probably not good form to get after the church organ lady.