Okay, so I’m watching a little early morning TV…something on child stars or some crap…and there’s an ad for Hydroxytone. Apparently, this is a miracle medication that can magically disappear pound after pound after pound…without the user having to do anything different. That’s right, you can continue to eat nothing but Buffalo wings and donuts, not lift a finger to exercise, and still become that svelte and ripped hotbody like you see in airbrushed photos.
During this ad, there’s some siliconed-sister wearing a white lab coat and the on-screen graphics identify her as a ‘doctor of naturopathic medicine.’
Honestly, I laughed so hard I squirted my breakfast milk through my nose.
Naturopathic medicine is defined by the American Association of Naturopathic Physicians (yeah, it exists…www.naturopathic.org) as medicine based on the “belief that the human body has an innate healing ability.”
And they call their physicians ‘NDs.’
I shit you not. Funny enough to make me milk-squirt.
“Naturopathic doctors (NDs), teach their patients to use diet, exercise, lifestyle changes and cutting edge natural therapies to enhance their bodies’ ability to ward off and combat disease.”
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely agree the body can do amazing things that western medicine refuses to recognize because it would loosen the stranglehold the AMA has around our collective necks (which goes hand-in-strangulating-hand with the fucking insurance companies…which is why we need some kind of health care reform, though what that should look like I don’t know).
But it’s hard for me to take this naturopathic medicine seriously when it’s being used to hawk a weight loss aid that basically says someone can be both slug and hotbody.
To me, those are pretty much mutually exclusive concepts. I make no judgments about either.
Personally, I would love to be a hotbody.
‘Trey the Hotbody…svelte, ripped, with a monsterous six-pack.’
But the reality is sliiiightly less impressive.
‘Trey the Slugbody…bit of a belly, torn rather than ripped…and more of a half-pack.’
Maybe I should call an ND and get me some’a that Hydroxytone.
hey…can you pass those wings….