“This is Arkham asylum,” he said. “This is my asylum.”
And then he’d laugh and whoop and all in all, it wasn’t bad. Not as scary as it could have been, but he had thrown down the rules for the guests and had gotten the atmosphere just about right.
However, from there, it descended into a scream-fest. See, the actors are all high school kids and what passes for scary for them is screaming.
“WELCOME,” she screamed, “TO NO MERCY HOOOOSPITAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!”
Every three or four minutes for five solid hours.
Holy balls, Batman, can we shoot her now?
LuAnn and I are doing some volunteering at a local haunted house. Actually it’s at the county fairgrounds and it encompasses two complete barns and then a third arena for little kids.
I’ve done one weekend so far and it’s been fun.
“WELCOME,” she screamed, “TO NO MERCY HOOOOSPITAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!”
Uh…gotcha. At the hospital. Yeah.
Opening night was this past Friday. We got there an hour or so before show time and the man in charge seemed overjoyed to have us. His biggest problem is that most of his volunteers are high school kids and thus come with the baggage of being high school kids.
“…HOOOOSPITAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!”
Yeah, so that means I’ve committed to spending my weekend nights surrounded by high school kids. Yay! My favorite!
Anyway, the man in charge gave us some jobs and off we went. LuAnn was the ‘sorter.’ That is, she’d divvy up the groups into manageable sizes before shoving them along into the ‘Elevator To Hell,’ while I stand over the top of everything in the control tower and watch the timing of groups going through and watch for problems.
And listen…incessantly…to the hospital greeter.
“WEEEELLLCCOOOOOOME.”
Lots of screaming from lots of kids hidden in lots of places.
Pretty much, at the end of the night, I bought stock in Tylenol. I figured that as much as I was going to eat over the course of eight shows, I might as well watch the stock price go up.
Most holidays bore the tits off me. I’m not sure if it’s because growing up it was pretty much just me and Mom and so we just didn’t go in for big holidays or maybe I have no heart or emotional center or I just dig creepy scary things. For whatever reason, Halloween is my favorite of all the holiday (with the exception of the celebration of Will N. Harbin’s birthday, obviously).
When the store was open –
“NOOOOOO MEEEEERRCCYYYYYY – “
– I would be so tired of the holidays by the time they arrived that I pooped out on all of them. In retail, the holidays start three damn months before they arrive and continue on until well after their expiry date because now you have to send whatever you didn’t sell back.
But now, with the store closed? Hah! I can enjoy Halloween again!
But I can also get my theater nut off at the haunting.
See, they have zero expertise in lighting. They toss up a flood light they got at Wal-Mart and call it good.
So they’ve decided they want me to take a long look at the lighting this year and see how it and the electrics can be improved next year.
Woooohhooooo!
“…HOOOOSPITAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!”
Theater is one of the things I’ve missed dearly since leaving Denver. I tried doing some community theater here but the situation was not great and then my schedule at the Sheriff’s Office conflicted and blah blah blah.
But because the haunted shows are only in October, I’ve got all year to improve and tinker and work things around my schedule. And my charge from those in charge is to light it, but it has to be dark and shadowy and dreary and whatnot.
That’s a light designer’s wet dream.
See, stage directors always want their actors to be seen blah blah blah. Fine enough, I guess, unless you understand – as I do – that actors are only on stage to reflect my lighting. The lines don’t really matter, the blocking doesn’t matter. The costumes? Eh. The make-up? Sure, whatever.
The actors are there to give my light something to bounce off of so people can see how prettily I focused that lovely instrument with the deep green or the one with the rosy pink.
So this is gonna be great fun.
“WELCOME,” she screamed, “TO NO MERCY HOOOOSPITAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!”
If I don’t shoot them all first.
