Me – “Good evening, I’m Deputy Barker, can I see your license and – ”
Him (drunken passenger in backseat) – “My brother works for the county…call him…he’ll fix this.”
Me – “Fix it? He’ll fix it?”
Him – “Yeah.”
Of course, the problem, aside from all four people in the car (driver included) being hammered, was that the guy’s brother didn’t work for the county…and he is only a part-time officer at the agency where he does work…and even if he had worked for the county AND been a full-time officer, he had nothing whatsoever to do with my traffic stops. Other than that, the drunk in the backseat was exactly right.
Ultimately, it didn’t matter. The drunken idiot himself was…what’s word…oh, yeah, wanted. In two different counties on two separate warrants.
Me (wanting, but not actually, saying) – “Here, put these bracelets on, ya’ tool.”
* * * * *
The man worked security. LuAnn and I knew he worked security because his blindingly florescent yellow shirt said so. Said ‘Security’ right on it, in giant black letters that stood out brilliantly against his BRIGHT AS THE FUCKING SUN FLORESCENT YELLOW SHIRT.
But we also knew because he had on camouflage military pants…so he could be stealthy…which he had tucked smartly into his boots. His pants were so stealthy, in fact, that LuAnn and I couldn’t even see him from ankles to waist…he just disappeared…because of his camouflage pants, you see.
Hmmmmm…florescent yellow shirt…camouflage pants. Seems like two different theories of dress, does it not?